saturday morning, and i slept

saturday morning, and i slept too late.
awoke feeling vibrant and electric then drifted back to sleep.
dreaming of buying tea.
then i woke with the heaviness of being overcooked.
pressure on the eyes and head.

but at least i emerge from the darkness where i was living.
or maybe dying a bit.

i should have written then, but even that felt impossible.
after we finished the overdubs and mixing i fell into a deep abyss of depression.
depression that the mixes are muddy and unclear.
depression that i'm still so fucking broke and still working jobs that i so deeply hate.
depression that my art just can't seem to become what i wish it to become.
i've never felt so crushed by music before.
never so listless and uncaring.
why is it that when i listen to other records that are so big and so lush,
they sound clear and crisp...all parts crashing through?
what is the mystery?
why does mine always sound so cluttered and busy?
i don't understand.

i truly thought that maybe this was the end.
maybe i was done.
time to go back to school.
for how long can this carry on?

but i don't much feel like writing at the moment, and i seem to have regained whatever
was stolen from my lungs.

so on we push.

silently.
loudly.
it must be coming soon.
it must.

Posted by at August 17, 2002 03:57 PM

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