i would be a ghost.

already, i begin to feel strange about yet another photo of myself. "who is this man staring back at me," i ask? "what dear secrets lie in the belly of his belly?" there are days on which i feel as though i know so deeply who i am, and other days when the man reflected in the mirror is a complete stranger. this stranger looks at me and wonders why i am looking so intently at him. we stare at one another, horns locked, in a timeless embrace of uncertainty. searching and finding and then losing again. sometimes, i wish to just sit down and stop thinking. i wish to lie on my back in the warm summer shade, and become a tree. a giant redwood breaking the sky, and redefining all of the sadly human notions of mortality. or perhaps i could be a boat, and drift aimlessly upon the sea. i would watch the water move by, following its own tail. i would be a bird in the night sky, pulling the tiniest of bugs into my mouth, and feeling them disappear into an eternity of hollow bird bones. i would be a boy on a bicycle, feeling the wind on his face, as the fog rolls in through the eucalyptus trees. oh how they creak. perhaps the sound of their haunted twisting is the moaning of long dead lovers crying out through the night...a ghost. i would be a ghost, spinning invisibly through the air, watching all of the lovers do lover things. argue and eat and cry and dance and laugh and fuck. yes, i would be a ghost and i would live forever.

Posted by jeff at May 13, 2003 11:20 PM

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