spinning world

who am i who am i who ami whoami who ama wi whoa iam aw whwo ama i?
a simple question with an impossible answer. what is narcissism? what is blood? what is sleep? what is sex? what is love? what is life and what comes next? oh we float and we sink and we rise and we soar impossibly high with the waves out here on this sea of crumbling cities, and unforsaken truths. we write sentences backwards just like adah price, ecirp hada ekil tsuj, but we find no palendromes. there is no circle of retracing one's steps, only forward movement, as the earth spins and spins. i find that i grow dizzy less and less these days. perhaps my rhythm with this giant ball of dirt and water and thumping hearts, is more aligned. i am tempted as the knife glides its tongue between skin and muscle, to hide behind curtains. i am tempted to bend and curl into ball, as i endlessly question this visual questioning of self. the lacerations of a stranger's words ferment. but i will not. perhaps i show things here that can't be seen in my words or my songs or the movement of my hands. perhaps time must stop somewhere just shy of my face and stare at me. only then will i find my true center. last night, when i arrived home from kristina's, a painting dana had given me years ago which was tacked to my wall, lay face down on my bed. how, i wondered, did all four tacks remove themselves from wood? two years and four days ago, she left my life, and a wake of great screaming and great silence and unbelievable beauty remained. perhaps the world spins, with much greater precision than we could ever imagine. it holds us in open hands, and spins and spins and spins.

Posted by jeff at May 20, 2003 02:53 PM

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