a jack of all trades is a master of none.

but what if i want to be a master at everything i'm passionate about? that without any one of them, i can't breathe? if money grew on trees, many of us would probably be able to do what we truly love to do, day & night. some are fortunate to find this medium, others not. if i won the lotto, i would, without a doubt, quit the investment industry and go into my dream day job - chef-hood. i wanted this since i was a little girl watching my mother toss in ingredients and making the finest and yet at the same time most humble dishes so effortlessly. oh, how wonderful food is...how some of us take it for granted, but that it's truly a magnificent thing in our lives...art & science becoming one...like language, it is the extension of one's culture - beliefs, environment, etc...all stewed thoughtfully together in a pot, sizzling off a cast iron pan, steaming slowly in bamboo baskets, etc.

i'm placing my bets (and dreams) on this wednesday's lotto drawing.

& that 500 years worm-thing-a-bob once spoken of...in moments of such deep desires to chase after many dreams, i'd opt for 500 years without sex. sometimes, it seems like a fair trade-off.

you know, i've always been afraid of any sort of gambling, be it casinos or the lottery. with no sense of how to win at these things i just tend to stay away from them. yet i know many people are almost compulsively interested in some sort of gamble or another. i was reading the first chapter from dan savage's "skipping towards gomorrah", the one on greed, in which a dealer from a vegas casino gives him some pointers, among other things:
"All people gamble - all human cultures have their gambling games. You want to talk about a sin? Talk about the lottery. Do you know what your odds are when it comes to a state lottery? Three hundred million to one. A casino owner would go to jail for offering odds like that. And the commercials on tv for the lottery make it look like it's only a matter of time before you win the lottery, if you just keep playing. That's a sin."
This made me wonder about our obsession with the lottery. understand, Brina, i'm not trying to dash your hopes and dreams at all, just musing about the fact that so many people (my old babysitter was one) consistently buy lottery tickets. even i've thought about it, and would likely have considered doing it well before i'd ever set foot in a casino. yet it's nowhere near as likely to produce actual results.
i would not discourage anyone from gambling, the impulse and draw of it is quite understandable. but i'd definitely recommend a reading of that chapter before venturing into it, at least for anyone as ignorant as i am on the subject.

wow, dave, that's a thinker. thank you. i love it when people offer insight.

there's no such thing as a free lunch, but sometimes i feel so desperate...tempted to even say yes to proposals of multi-millionaires, despite their old age, simply so i can stay home and paint all day. money is not important to me; it's the time that it buys (to some extent) that's important to me. i've, many times, reminded myself of the odds of winning lotto, a terribly cruel trickery on us people. this wednesday's will be my last game play, and i quit and find other means of additional income...which then, again, of course, throws me back in and traps me within a vicious cycle of more work and less time to play.

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

and me, a dull girl.

Brina, no offense, but I think it's time you got your own blog. They are free you know and easy to set up. I recommend looking into it.
As for your dreams, you consistently puff up Pitcher for brazenly following his but it appears you have not the courage to do so yourself. It isn't that difficult to become a chef. Like anything it requires diligence but your odds of success are much higher than those of a struggling musician.
I wish you luck on your new path towards chef-hood. After all, what's the use of all this talk about living a brilliant life if you're simply fantasizing from within the confines of a cubicle?

i agree on all your points, jack. will do.

Wow. That was easy.

...only b/c inside, i already knew this...and already had a plan (somewhat)...not today nor tomorrow, but definitely b4 i die. thnx for your thoughts.

you have a point about blog sites Jack - i've thought about making my own as well. although what keeps me from doing this is the fear that no one would read it. perhaps that's what everyone thinks. but it seems a valid concern to me. jeff has a journal here that i would think is unique in how many people peruse it. i know that i'd hate to have a blog which i knew existed in a vacuum, with no one but me going and updating it every once and again.

half the fun of visiting this journal is the ability to share thoughts, sometimes spurred by JP's entries, aometimes not. The other half of the fun is the observance of people who attempt mediation on the behalf of JP. The base idea is interaction, I believe, and that is why those of us who return so frequently, continue to do so.

Brina, your dreams have yet to be held in your capable hands.

an interesting thing about this website and our beloved jefferson is the response factor. Something about this space and this man propells people who may not often chose a public, online forum to exspose theirs opinions or themselves choose to do so here. It seems to be a cry for recognition, to be recognized most of all the the diarist. I am hardly an exception. Sometimes these cries spit with venomous resentment, sometimes with sweet encouragement, some with seeming little relevance to the most recent entry, but for one thing; the individual's response to his touch. Through his music or words or image or his silence obviously people who come in contact feel something. Struck, soothed, wounded, comraderie, sickened, inspired, enthralled, but rarely indifferent. In a society that has become increasingly numb I love to read the responses of those who feel. It is the differnce between putting warm lips to bare skin and feeling no movement against them, silence, or hearing a sigh, feeling a shiver, goosebumps.

But Brina, when will you die? Do you have such knowledge? I may die tomorrow so I create my dreams today. The much abused Carpe Diem seems to fit here. I encourage everyone, yes you too Ching, to take action towards your unfulfilled dreams lest you wake one day to find the road to hell is paved with good intentions. We are, after all, the sum of our actions not our words.

My dreams are works in progress. Without the fear of the "mortal coil" business, and without the fear of a road leading me to some romanticized theory of punishment for the non-pious, I feel pretty damned good about my chances.

Ching, hell is here on Earth and it is VERY real. No romanticized theory for the non-pious. Hell is a life left unfulfilled. Hell is Janet Jackson as your Monday banter. Hell is Woulda...Coulda...Shoulda.
Sounds like you are in fine shape though. Good for you.

summer: you are a poet who needs to become famous.

for as long as i've known jefferson/ shumoto/ j/ jeff/ pitcher/ jefferson dean pitcher, he has CONSISTENTLY encouraged me to voice my opinions/thoughts...to be unafraid...to "don't be shy". i am certain he encourages the same for everyone else in his life, probably even rensing (until he just became tiresome). for this reason (partly), i adore shumoto unwaveringly. yes, i can construct my own blog, but as dave points out, no one may visit. then it's just the same as me writing on unread paper. i come here (as i'm sure many) to seek the thoughts & wisdom of others. i find it amazing how i need not necessarily open a shakespeare book, or tolstoy's, or aristotle's, etc. etc. etc. in order to be inspired. it's the thoughts & wisdom of normal, everyday people here, right here, in which i seek.

some of our thoughts are at whim, like going to a tattoo parlor intending on getting one and coming out with two instead. but as separated/ disconnected to jefferson's entries as my posts may sometimes appear, all me thoughts HERE are in fact triggered by his entries. and sometimes i place posts knowing someone will attack, but i do so to get honest feedback and a wake-up call now and then. like my sensei always says, "you need to know how to take pain before you can give it" (not that i'm a violent person; physical confrontations is my absolute last resort to settle disputes).

and jack, re: death...that is something i know all too well for i have seen and witnessed it one too many times. i am unafraid of it b/c i know my soul will be able to join those whom i've lost on this earth. i do not welcome it (b/c i've got so much shit i want to do still), but i'm not afraid of it either. but one thing's for sure, i do not take life for granted. this is why i tell people how i feel whenever i feel it...b/c you're right...you never know when there is no tomorrow.

if we're talking about dreams... then i must quote Louis Mackey from Waking Life:
"The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved. Why so few? Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress, rather this endless and futile addition of zeros? No greater virtues have developed. Hell, the Greeks 3,000 years ago were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential? The answer to that question can be found in another question, and that's this: which is the most universal human characteristic: fear or laziness?"

Good God. This is all some of the most depressing stuff I've seen all year. Brina. Brina, Brina, Brina. Placing your dreams on the lottery. That makes my skin crawl. But you were only joking, right? Money sure is coming up alot. But everyone here is enlightened and money isn't important. I'm confused. Seems to me if you are doing what you enjoy, money doesn't matter. Maybe I should have gotten into porn, but there's that dignity thing... I think you are all products of society and can't be held accountable for your actions. Products of McDonalds, Starbucks, the Gap, Supercuts... I see nothing but ticky tacky here, and it all looks just the same. I see alot of people making decisions based on fear here and living vicariously through others, sickening. Go take a chance and do something that scares the hell out of you. It's invigorating.
John Rensing :)

what does it mean, products of Mcdonalds, Starbucks, etc? does it imply that we consume the brands in particular or embody the values/lifestyle that they put forth? as for the invigorating effect of doing something that scares them, us, me, whatever... it seems to me that this is what's being suggested anyhow. doesn't it?
john, what i do not understand is why you come here seemingly to judge. that's how it appears. or, it is that you come hoping to be surprised, i.e. that we all have finally become as you see fit or whatnot. which doesn't seem to be likely. or, you come knowing what you'll find, and do it to feel simultaneously sickened and superior. some other blog sites make me feel the same way, usually when it's a bunch of teenagers chatting about mindless shit that just irritates me. but i would view it intentionally, to feel disgusted and in turn better about myself. i got a bit addicted to exposing myself to things that make me nauseous. but it's terribly unhealthy.
if you indeed love people (and that's not implicit, so tell me if i'm wrong) why would you condemn and judge? why will you not try to help them, if you feel you can? how do improve life? you seem like someone who values your part in the world. i'm not telling you to fuck off. i'm trying to understand why you wouldn't choose to be kind instead of harmful.
finally: what is your definition of 'pretentious?' i know you have thoughts on this and i am interested hear them. i feel the word might have negative connotations to some, but not necessarily so to others. let me know.

ah. that's, how do *you* improve life?

Mmmm. I'm impressed, Dave. Those are the first concise, logical, and,in my oh so humble opinion, pertinent questions anyone has asked of me here. Where to start. I had considered a winded respose but I just don't care enough. I am pretensious. Kindness has no place here. Look at some of the links that pitcher associates with.
I like wine. I judge every wine I taste. Some of it gets condemded. I judge every person I meet. Some get condemded. I prefer people that stand alone, working for their goals. I hate groups. That is a strong word. Ironically, I belong to some groups. I love individuals, there are so few. I improve life. And what are you recovering from?
John "The Great Shaitan" Rensing

Rensing, you should join PETA, or Greenpeace, or become a preacher or something.

amen chinring, amen.