stumbling through straws

the skies fall dark again, and with it my mood drifts. i spend the week toiling in my head and heart, attempting to pull the melodies out through my hands. some are fluid tumbling out like water, and others seem to be like pushing rocks through straws. rocks that don't fit through straws. but then i ask, "is this difficulty one that i create for myself, unwilling to let the music breathe?" i try every conceivable thing to help the songs grow. wine, candles, slippers. believe it or not, slippers often help me in the process of composing. it really makes quite a bit of sense if you think about it. i tell them secrets, for what are they but secrets of the heart wrapped in the hands of sound?

but perhaps, the new melodies are scared. perhaps they are just as human as all of us out here, stumbling through straws sometimes. so i must then caress them. love them. the amplifier warms, the orange glow of tubes casting a dim light on the wall. i begin my search.

acknowledging fear is not a cause for depression or discouragement. because we possess such fear, we are also potentially entitled to experience fearlessness. true fearlessness is not the reduction of fear; but going beyond fear.

~chogyam trungpa rinpoche

Posted by jeff pitcher at February 20, 2004 10:32 AM

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