showing the grays
Currently sitting in a café, across the street from Dolores park. The sun is out. French music playing. People with computers. Others, with books. Others yet, talking. A man behind the bar, with enormous pink sunglasses. A woman to my right, wears the perfect skirt. Blue. Sandals. I wish I’d had the foresight to bring sandals on this trip. Although, after my sock-sliding, inch and a half long-splinter in the foot, incident, I currently need the best shoes in the world. I limp. Kids with dyed black hair, and leather jackets. A man, who looks like Elvis, wearing the 50’s uniform.
I recall walking past here years ago, looking over a woman that reminded me of a friend from college. This friend from college had drifted into air, {new york air} and has drifted further since then. A memory. A balloon. The only trace, a soft line, on a child’s hand.
So keri has gone and I remain. Days with Andrea and Matt come and go, feeling ever grateful for their love. And I leave today, to wander. I will spend the last two days of my 31st year, stumbling about the city. Berkeley. Marin. Tonight I visit friends I’ve had sixteen years or so. The history of our lives, the mere collection of years, never ceases to amaze me. The things we all know of one another. The smallest of details. We will laugh {as always} and comment on the slow dying of our youth. Compare our growing bald spots. Show each other the grays.
So I miss my wife already, and feel as though a limb, while not severed, has gone entirely numb. Sometimes, it seems there is never enough time. In our walking here, we only scratch the surface. Ice lingers, beneath the nails. We walked through Berkeley yesterday, visiting the places that made my old home, my home. Live oak park. The cheeseboard. The pub on Solano avenue. 4th st. Peets. The memories flooded. How is it than I can miss my old home, and my new home at the same time? A purgatory of time and space.
Thoughts {and words coming from those thoughts} feel scattered today. Feeling a bit out of my skin, partly the result of traveling. Reading a book on true love, by Thich Nhat Hanh, a gift from my wife. Also reading “the Cave” by Jose Saramago. A bit ironic to be reading a book about Buddhism, while switching back and forth between it, and another. Such it is.
The sun and the grass of the park call me. The familiar voice of the air. I understand that it is snowing today at home. So I will soak the sun with all that I’ve got. I will pull my t-shirt up, and let it taste the skin of my belly. My arms. My face.
Posted by jeff pitcher at December 1, 2004 02:19 PM
....................................
Mr. Pitcher. If you are in the sactown area and have time, send me an email and we can try to hook up.
Posted by: Doogle at December 2, 2004 08:23 AM
It's sounds like you birthday is coming up soon, so well Happy Birthday. You make me want to go out and explore this new place I live near.
I just recently moved to Alameda and have been exploring this little small town, but I think I should branch out and explore more because it sounds great! Thanks for all of your posting.
Posted by: Sari at December 2, 2004 12:27 PM
For the return of John Rensing in one of his many guises!
Posted by: Hooray at December 2, 2004 12:32 PM
Hi Jeff,
I am reading your blog for a long time now (I found it because of Keri... I don't remember how I found her,so...). I didn't post so long cause I am a little bit ashamed of making so many mistakes. (I am part Italien-German and English is not my first language). But I wanted to tell you for a long time, that I have similar opinions and feelings about lot's of things in the world and I feel happy that there are people so far away who seem to be a little like me (you, Keri, Andrea, lot's of the folks posting here). That really gives me hope. So thank you for sharing, you make me smile and sometimes almost cry.
I wish you the best birthday and a very, very good next year of your life...
Katrin (from the cold german winter...)
Posted by: Katrin at December 3, 2004 01:01 AM
Jeff-
Can you offer the name of the book on true love? I could use some guidance.
Best wishes for a wonderful 31st year to heaven.
Jen
Posted by: Jen at December 3, 2004 08:57 AM
Jeff, I love reading your blog. You are so blessed to know such great people as Matt, Andrea, Keri. You all have beautiful hearts and see beyond what this world offers. I read your post about the trip to the Amazon, and Garcia Marquez. I am Colombian and am now in Bogota so I you and your dad or anyone of your wonderful friends are up for a wonderful trip of adventure in this country you are welcome to come down. Imagine a trip down the Magdalena river in a "chalupa" to visit all the magic of 100 years of Solitude.
Many sunshines and blessings to you and your wife.
Posted by: Giselle Taminez at December 3, 2004 09:55 AM
Hmmmm...I'm just wondering if you might know...When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? Or how 'bout this...
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
Just kidding...and really, I DO get it...obviously, other's don't and often I've found that religion as absolutely nothing to do with spirituality...Rock on, JP
Posted by: Falloutsis at December 3, 2004 12:26 PM
if you are in Davis or nearby it would be wonderful to see you.
Posted by: luiza at December 4, 2004 02:21 PM
oh, the pub. the pub on solano. i drank a lot of beer there, many summers in a row. nice remembering it.
happy birthday, by the way.
Posted by: irene at December 5, 2004 01:25 PM
I really miss living in the Bay area and love it when I hear people talk about the interesting people and places that are there. I used to shop at a store in Berkeley for stained glass remnants and tools. I love that place! I hope you’re enjoying yourself in San Fran. I can’t wait to go back to visit.
Posted by: Sue at December 6, 2004 09:17 AM
Jeff,
I am filled with energy everyday I turn the computer on hoping you have written something new. The only thing I leave today is a quote by an author you introduced me to. It surely must be something we all should remember.
If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid— but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.
- Tom Robbins
Posted by: ben at December 8, 2004 01:58 PM
You have all been snookered.
Posted by: the truth at December 12, 2004 05:58 PM
Mr. Pitcher. I wonder about your integrity. I see posts here, then days later they are gone. Why? You claim to want diversity, yet stifle it. Granted, what I read may be angry but shouldn't that be self evident to us the readers of your blog or do you lack respect for your fellow man and see a need to protect us from others? I think you need a foil. But, then, you may foil yerself.
Posted by: feathers at December 12, 2004 06:11 PM
Where have you been? I greatly miss your wonderful posts. I visit your wife's site too and her posting sounds so sad today. Sending you both Florida sunshine and joy.
Posted by: Helen at December 14, 2004 01:54 PM
