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  « you own me dear winter, you own me. | Main | the mountain of ice, and the sea of sound. »  

March 08, 2005

the lack of circadian rhythm {or, time for spring please}

I sit inside looking out at the glorious sun, and nearly weep. As bright as any other day beneath the sun, and yet the frigid air keeps me here on this couch. I begin to contemplate {and research online} the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and try everything I possibly can to ignore the telltale heart of my longing for spring. My circadian rhythm lying prone, unable to move. I imagine colors and smells and feelings on my skin that simply don’t exist here right now. I look about the room. The cold and wilted plants. The sleeping cat. The pale sun, on the pale yellow wall. The thick veil of ice, sheeting the outside of the storm-windows. The black and white world, beneath a blue sky. Shivering.

This morning there was ice in my beard; a hairy face, covered in white.

Posted by jeff pitcher at March 8, 2005 03:41 PM

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COMMENTS

There are pauses amidst study, and even pauses of seeming idleness, in which a process goes on which may be likened to the digestion of food. In those seasons of repose, the powers are gathering their strength for new efforts; as land which lies fallow recovers itself for tillage.
J. W. Alexander

Posted by: Rachael at March 8, 2005 05:12 PM

All I can offer is a deep understanding. I too find myself unable to move, longing for the sweet scent of spring.

Posted by: Karin at March 8, 2005 07:49 PM

dear jeff
i have lived hear my entire life, in fact i grew up in priceville and flesherton, i trudged to school through piles of the piles of snow and bought giant snow boots.

I am still having trouble with winter, the thought of spring right now makes me drool, this cold has to go, it just must, or i feel like my soul will break.

so i just wanted to let you know you are not alone in cold, and when spring finally comes, it sure is deeelicious.

cheers
r

Posted by: rhya at March 9, 2005 05:23 AM

I miss the Canadian winter. For two winters now, I've been in Japan. Living in a city where I have to drive 4 hours to see snow. The thing about the long Cdn winter is that spring does eventually come, and when it does, it's like being born again. Every year. The colors, the smells, the warmth...I can't get that feeling in a place where winter only drops to 0 degrees.

Posted by: Junicus at March 10, 2005 05:13 AM

perhaps i will send you some daisies and sunflowers that are growing in my yard....gotta love that georgia weather sometimes. i was in desperate need for some spring even though ga winters can't compare to the winter you are enduring i still need brightness. you and keri are welcome any time you need a break from the ice.

Posted by: celisa at March 10, 2005 08:49 AM

Is it possible for you and Kerri to move?
I get the SAD syndrome that you describe. I lived in Southern Cal and Northern Cal and now I live in the Northeast. I want to move back to San Diego or San Francisco so badly. Winters take so much out of my spirit.

Posted by: Sue at March 10, 2005 01:55 PM

So odd, your previous entry. I was in NYC (midtwon Manhattan) the first week of March. That whole solo travel stuff again, trying to give my impression of NYC a second try. Nope, still doesn't jive with me too well. Smiles elude the faces of New Yorkers. Perhaps they are as miserable from the winter's cold as I am. Or perhaps they need some good o' CA sunshine or the laid-back quality of the Pac NW.

Skycrapers' shadows blanket the streets, the city-scape barren...no trees nor any green whatsoever. Central Park is lacking in so many ways; Green Lake Park of Seattle, though smaller, is lush in green and Golden Gate Park of my hometown San Francisco brings more sense of community w/ daily joggers and bikers. Oh, and that whole "The Gates" public art in Central Park...looks like they've stolen the idea of the Japanese Torii.

NYC imparts a sense of coldness, both literally and figuratively. Maybe it's b/c I was there alone, no one to share my experiences with, connected to my husband only by a phoneline.

Times Square is only striking by night, but even that doesn't compare to the West's Las Vegas Blvd or the charming districts of SF.

No offense to NY-ers. I must be missing something (even on my second try), but I certainly don't get the appeal of NYC, at least Manhattan. I'm sure Upstate is far better. Or Vermont, or Maine. Maybe even Penn or MA. But aint nothing like the West Coast. I don't understand how someone from the W can move to/near the NE. Why Jefferson, why?

Posted by: B. Johnson at March 10, 2005 03:32 PM

Spring has, at last, made her presence known here in Oregon -- the blanket of gray has finally been lifted and everything is bursting with bloom. I hope she makes it up to Canada soon ...

Posted by: brian at March 12, 2005 10:49 AM

dearest jeff ~ i have fought winter for 38 long years. i have never won. so now i just sit on the floor heater,shut my eyes, sniff coppertone suntan lotion bottles and listen to Summer Breeze.
hey. whatever it takes, right?

Posted by: jen at March 12, 2005 06:00 PM

Oh man... I can't even imagine how it must be. The permanence of winter... I've lived all my life in the Mediterranean and the thought of bleakness and cold makes my heart shiver. But it gets cold here too. The wind is the culprit. Patience, Jeff... The spring is just around the corner. In the meantime, Grant Lee Phillips's Spring Released might help. :-)

Posted by: Anamarija at March 14, 2005 02:05 AM
   


©2005 jeff pitcher