the weight of water

cover #2 of I am not in Spain {of which there are still some left}

in early june, three days into the desert, i thought i knew what the desert was; how the beast functioned and moved. what desolation was. the weight of water on the back of a bicycle. similarly, i thought i knew what winter was, back in early february, as it had all become a bit heavy on the shoulders. but today, the snow continues. it snowed all of saturday night, and all day yesterday. it snowed last night. it is snowing now. of the last ten days, i would say it has been snowing or entirely grey 95% of the time. i have begun obsessively checking {by my standards, meaning that i do so daily} the ten day forcast, in search of some slight glimmer of hope. i know it is out there, but it is off on the horizon, beyond my vision. of the days leading us into april, only two of them predict any sun, the rest snow. the amazing thing about this lingering greyness, is that it causes one {me} to at times believe that everything i do, everything i've ever done is utter crap and meaningless.

and so i paint in the mornings. ride the bike in the garage, watching the snow fall. i think about the sun dangerously often, and wonder if maybe, for twenty minutes this afternoon, it might shine. i write in the afternoon for three hours or so, and i play guitar. i imagine drinking beer all day and far too much wine, and admit that the hour of the glass seems to be coming daily now. and earlier. i begin new projects and finish old ones. i've begun, for example, attempting to assemble a book of all the songs i've ever written that i have some recording of. chord charts and lyrics. of course the real work is in re-learning the ones i've forgotten. something, jefferson, just do something.

and now i move. move. move. move. move. something else. done with blog. paint now. ride. guitar. etc. below is a link to a band i just discovered, which is reminiscent of the clash. inventive and smart and raw. just fucking great. makes me want to be in a rock band. down with the acoustic guitar, i want the fender and i want to jump around. feel young again. they just may save me from winter. oh thank god. oh yes, and they're called bloc party.

bloc party

Posted by jeff pitcher at March 21, 2005 09:38 AM

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