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jumping trees
I am not questioning if I will continue making art.
"You must ask yourself in the stillest moment of your night, if it were denied you to create, would you die? And if the answer is yes, then you have no choice. If your answer is no, then please go do something else." ~Rilke
What I have come to question, as any artist worth their salt does, is the medium itself and the outcome of what is expressed, due to said medium. As stated, I question what impact THIS writing has, on the rest of what I create, including my life, as I most certainly view that as an artistic process as well. I believe that any artist and any human for that matter, should be constantly questioning things about certain aspects of their art or their lives. It is the sum of these questions, that cause us to push off into new places as artists. The examples are endless…..Pablo Picasso. Joan Miro. Jackson Pollock. Eric Satie. Radiohead. James Joyce. E. E. Cummings. And so on. These artists all found themselves at some sort of impasse, and pushed into a new place, in many ways, making something that no one had made before. While I’m not arguing that I’ve reached some sort of revelatory moment as an artist, I am simply questioning.
I also must acknowledge, that while I attempt to refrain from thinking about the readership while I write here, I believe that because of the immediacy, it is nearly impossible. I suppose we are always cognizant of our “audience” as artists, but this is somehow different. The “audience” is free to “critique” everything I say, as immediately as they wish. It therefore affects the psyche in different ways. It is both a blessing {the potential for community, and intellectual debate} and a curse {the existence of inane and immature dialogue}.
I personally, don’t believe that much great art is made, when the artist is overly aware of his/her audience. Quite the contrary. There are of course, contradictions to this, Guernica being a great example, but I would exclude such things as “socially conscious art,” as the very nature of it is to acknowledge, provoke, inspire, etc. the audience. This too, is an enormous debate I believe.
In terms of the internet, I find that it is important to always question technology. As a culture, we are fed these ideals of what is important in our lives, largely by an enormous media machine, that I for one have virtually no faith in whatsoever. Frankly, I cannot believe that people buy most of what they are selling; and I mean that both literally and metaphorically.
For example, how does a cell phone impact my life? Does it fulfill me in some way? Does it make me happy? Does it make my life easier? better? What are the costs {both monetary and mental} in having this? In my case, I answer no to these questions. The costs, outnumber the benefits. Therefore, I’ve only used a cell phone for one summer {a job I had, wherein I occasionally used one to call my boss not included} while I rode my bike across the United States. And then I cancelled the service. Another example: Keri and I have wireless DSL. Is this necessary? Do we really need to be able to access the internet from all rooms of the house? I could, if I wanted to, check my email while I shit. Is this a good thing? Again, what are the costs? So we must ask ourselves these questions when we move, and decide if we really want wireless DSL in our new home. I could of course go on.
As for the journal itself, I’m still figuring things out. Processing if you will. I certainly won’t be stopping the journal, but I may write quite a bit less. Or post excerpts from my fiction. Or write things of a much less personal nature. Or write things of a much more personal nature. Or? Haven’t decided yet. As I mentioned before, I do have an idea, which I am still deciphering in my head. When it becomes more clear, I will share.
Perhaps I simply need to pose more questions on the site. Ask you to debate things and discuss things. That is after all, what has brought me the most enjoyment here.
As for the malevolence, I refer you to an old post from the summer. It is a long and tired annoyance on this site. Those of you that are new here, may of course to go back through old posts and read the comments. As you may have noticed, in recent statements for example, john alluded to having a large penis and being able to beat people up; certainly the thoughts of an intellectual heavyweight. I’m sure Noam Chomsky would be writing just like john if he were here. As a matter of fact, I heard somewhere that Mr. Chomsky has a new book coming out, all about his penis and how tough he is.
Those of you with encouraging words, I offer thanks. It is both flattering and humbling to read. It is indeed tiring in some way to make art and have the “powers that be” continue telling you that they will not sign you to their label or print your poetry or fiction. These are things that any {most} artist suffers. It is simply par for the course, as are the valleys and mountains that we cross in life. Sometimes I feel like I am a brilliant musician, other times completely awful. I don’t know many {any?} artists who don’t go through this.
As much as this endless winter has worn my soul, it has been one of my most artistically productive 6 month periods ever. I am on a fast-moving train.
And maybe some of you are right. Maybe I just need the sun. Yesterday, I went for my first ride since the first week of November. It was windy and cold {a mere 40 degrees} but glorious. The river running, free of ice, and the fattest of groundhogs standing the field. The crows jumping trees. Bugs aloft. I could actually feel the heat of the sun on my face, and stopped at one point to lie on my back at the side of the road. I felt like a giant white bird, emerging from the nest for the first time. Spreading out wide-winged and breaking into the sky. It was fucking perfect.
I came home and read the new Adbusters cover to cover, which is indeed a great issue. I highly recommend. I also chuckle at the thought of buying one of these. Hallelujah.
Posted by jeff pitcher at April 12, 2005 02:05 PM
....................................
Hey, I read Keri's journal quite frequently, and occasionally pop in here to see what's up with you. As a lifelong Southern Ontarian, I have to tell you that what you are experiencing is completely normal. The winters may be long and dark, but a true spring is a bright, beautiful experience that I cannot imagine being without. To be in the midst of such sudden encompassing change is like a complete recharge for your brain battery. All you need to do is take a walk out in it and breathe the newly sweet air in deeply, and it becomes very easy to forget winters troubles. There is a balance to things that becomes very obvious here. I hope you don't give up on this land before it gets the chance to show you what its got. And the winter does not last 6 months. That's just exaggeration. Just keep in mind that my boyfriends from Thunder Bay, and he continually told me I was a wimp for thinking it was cold in these same winters (until his bones acclimatized).
Posted by: beth maher at April 13, 2005 09:06 AM
Dear Red States:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States
with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the
Northeast.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact,
God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30
pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back
in their states by then. So you get Texas and all the former slave states.
We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss. We get 85% of America's
venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation
in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make
the red states pay their fair share.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a
bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we
know how much you like that.
Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, only
greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah,
another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners.
From now on it's imported French wine for you. (Ouch, bet that hurts!)
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States' citizens
back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals.
They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for
absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their kids' caskets coming home. Anyway, we wish you all the best in the
next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of
mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of all
fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's
export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high tech
industry, most of the US low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus! Harvard, Yale, Amherst,
Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech and MIT. We can live simply but well.
The Red States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all
Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for
controlling the presidency.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the
death penalty, Moslems or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a
theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and -- most hard to
grasp -- 61% believe that Bush is a person of moral conviction.
Sincerely, California
Posted by: It's funny to me at April 13, 2005 11:23 AM
It's Funny To Me,
Your statistics are interesting, although I think they may be slightly misleading for the sake of humor.
Where'd you fine them?
Oh, yea, just so you know, evolution is just a theory as is the Big Bang, String theory, and General Relativity--albeit all very compelling ones. See, that's how science works...it's all theory and supposed true until another hypothesis comes along that better saves the phenomenon, to paraphrase the astronomer Ptolemy.
Personally, I’ve always been a bit partial to George Carlin’s Big Electron Theory of the Universe.
Posted by: dave-o at April 13, 2005 12:02 PM
Ponder this one:
What is Noam Chomsky actually had written a book about how big his penis was and how he will be beating people up with it. Now that's something I would read.
Tying in to both your post and Chomsky: www.myspace.com is the new go-to place for socializing and for music, or so it seems. I have a myspace site and Chomsky is one of my "friends," not that that means anything in particular: Anyone can be one of Chomsky's "friends" on myspace. It's interesting to see his picture under the banner "Christian's Friends." Now wouldn't that be nice if it were true?
That bit on California above was funny. Nice work.
Posted by: Christian Kiefer at April 13, 2005 12:29 PM
Whoops. Supposed to be "what if" above.
Posted by: Christian Kiefer at April 13, 2005 12:30 PM
Hey Jeff... just had to finally write. Reading the comments relating to your posts, it strikes me there are those who have compassion, and those who (for whatever reason...) don't.
That's everyone's battle for him or herself, although having people smooth their rough edges against you can't be very pleasant.
However, I just read this on another extremely thoughtful blog... author is 60++ and has many cogent, humorous insights into herself and others as she strives to become ever more whole.
(As background, she is referring to the assumption by some that blogging is a narcissistic activity... she says "perhaps," but that the following entry made clear for her why the energy behind blogging makes it redeemable):
* * * * * * * * * *
"Of course it's a narcissistic activity . Here's what John Perry Barlow has to say about that in his blog. It is part of an entry honoring the disappearance of his friend, Spaulding Gray. I found it solid justification for participation in the narcissistic exercise that is blogging.
'Among the beliefs that he [Spaulding Gray] and I shared was a conviction that making public the intimately personal is a revolutionary act in an atomized society where many feel compelled to play so close to the chest that they can't read their own cards. Being emotionally naked before strangers extends to them a permission for self-revelation they badly need if they are to loosen the shackles of their own quiet desperations. It is a blow against the pursuit of loneliness.'
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Maybe your time to reshield yourself has come, but I thank you for-bravely and honestly-letting us see inside.
all the best,
d
Posted by: desmene at April 14, 2005 10:28 AM
I thought this was an appropriate addendum to the last comment...
"To have a whole life, one must have the possibility of publicly shaping and expressing private worlds, dreams, thoughts, and desires, of constantly having access to a dialogue between the public and private worlds. How else do we know we have existed, felt, desired, hated, feared?" -Azar Nafisi
Posted by: keri at April 14, 2005 12:10 PM
Well put jeff.
Thank you for the insight.
Posted by: Mike at April 14, 2005 12:29 PM
my favorite act of creative genius is Jeff's "ring of fire." This is the most ABSURD and hilarious haircut in the history of the world. Imagine if you will: Jeff's entire head shaved bald except for a band of hair a couple of inches wide on top. (where a headband would go) This "halo" of hair (about 3 inches long and sticking straight up) connects perfectly to a beard (also shaved strategically) that completes the circle around his face.
It is INSANELY good. Not handsome mind you, but brilliant. Take my word for it. He claims that he will do this 5 times in his life, so he has 4 more to go.
I don't know you or Keri personally, I visit your sites often, to read your wonderful and sometimes heart felt entries. I found this entry on Andrea's site and thought that it might be time again for the ring of fire.........
Posted by: Jessica at April 14, 2005 12:49 PM
TV-Be-Gone? I'm game for one of those. Terror in the living room! (oops, I probably shouldn't have used that word, don't want to get in trouble).
Anyhow, hope the trolls tire of abusing you soon. You've had more than your fair share of that already, I have to say...
Posted by: Anja at April 15, 2005 03:13 AM
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