Buy Nothing Day

and while there are so many things to be thankful for, countless really, there is little time at the moment. if i could i would make lists. burritos in half moon bay with your father and your wife, by the ocean. we walked the hills above the water, watching the birds ride the wind. {see above photo of father}

time to move though.

i also wish i had time to write of some feelings i have about television. i watched "survivor" for the first time last night, and was quite disgusted by the show...its commercialism. {everything about it really} the women all walking around in bikini's.

or my frustration {astonishment?} at the advertisements for the shopping that will occur today. places opening at 6am. "target" even had famous people record wake up calls. you could go to their website, register your phone number, select what "star's" recording you wanted to hear, and a machine would call you at 5am {or whatever specified time you chose} so that you would wake up in time to get to the sale early. this my friends, is one of the more frightening displays of 'consumeristic' insanity that i have ever seen. i am appalled.

this is the first year in many, that i haven't done something 'proactive' for Buy Nothing Day. wouldn't it be beautiful, if instead of shopping today, we would all get together with our families and plant spring bulbs? build a sculpture out of scraps in the garage. paint each other paintings all day. take the money we would have spent, and send it to people who really need it. sounds so cliche, but the consumerism in "America" has reached such a frenzied state of absurdity, that i feel we have to begin to question everything about our "western lifestyle." everything.

of course i admit to feeling rather hypocritical staying in a hotel tonight. a fancy one at that. are we ALL mired in the deep complexity of it?

airplanes, hair, media, and too many songs.

“A new medium always attacks established media: “it never ceases to oppress the older media until it finds new shapes and positions for them,” wrote McLuhan {Marshall}. While the blog appears benign- like an open door to the internet with someone saying “come on in, let’s chat” – its emotive, frank and honest style has made those skeptical of network news interested in information again, albeit a different kind of information.

And so arrives the blog’s social effect, its true message: an assault on the supremacy of TV, radio, print, even internet news purveyors. And, an assault on objectivity. The blog is beginning to pull at the veil over the eyes of the masses to reveal “truth” for what it is: subjective, and impossible to deliver through a corporate media machine seeking to deliver the myths of ‘neutrality’ and ‘balance.’” {taken from adbusters} {this makes me feel hopeful}

So the words fly. They are small birds, above an enormous ocean. Their movement, erratic and quick. Rising and falling above the tumbling water. Perhaps these forums out here are impacting society more than we imagine. One would like to believe so. {I know i would} As this discussion spirals into mathematical theories of logic, we find ourselves with an enormous river to cross.

I ask now, after all of the debate {neither side really willing to give in to the other} what do we do? Is this not a glaring microcosm of the political ideologies battling it out in the bullring of America? Since I [and many like-minded folk i presume} will never conclude that the oppression of people is acceptable, what do we do? how can we ever argue with those of you, who believe that "god" is the final word? i will not go on and on about logic here [as we've already done} but i question how we come to any sense of agreement. any ideas?

Alas, i run out of time today. Tonight, WE fly. Another trip to California. Another birthday for me. Yesterday, as I was cutting my hair, leaning forward over the sink, I noticed a growing area on the top of my head, where the hair seems to be thinning, at an exponential rate. I suppose this happens now. This hair situation.

While still early in my thirties, I have certainly hiked up from the base of the hill. No longer thirty, but “in my thirties.” I live here now, on this perpetual mountain. Somehow, although i thought this would bring anguish, i actually find it rather funny, and endearing. At this stage of the game, i like this growing older business. Not quite as sour as i expected.

So another birthday, that will see me recording. Perhaps I should make it a goal to have more unfinished records than anyone I’ve ever met. With the recording of this one, I will have a four song ep that needs a bit more recording and mixing. A full length that needs to be mastered and released. Another full length that needs to be mixed and mastered. A collection of b-sides that needs a bit more recording and mixing. And the new one. That makes 5. five. Damn. My goal, is to release them all this year. How’s that for flooding the market?

Yes, I am slightly overwhelmed by all of this. Problem being, that I’ve been met with a lack of money and resources. Combine that with the fact that I am constantly writing, and you have surplus. Maybe I need to take an economics class. Ugh.

Wish me luck on the bloody plane. My how I despise flying.

diversion

{a diversion. moment of levity}

Yesterday, while reading an article about a friend of mine, I stumbled across this quoteof his:

"I don't do a lot of paintings, because [a painting] is only one of a kind. So when I do a painting, it's usually for my wife's birthday or a gift."

In an artist's statement, Montoya explains why he steers away from using his art for self-aggrandizement: "I attempt to communicate, reach out and touch others, especially...that silent and often ignored populace of Chicano, Mexican, and Central American working class, along with other disenfranchised people of the world."
~ Malaquias Montoya

It reminds me of Nino Ricardo, one of the great flamenco guitarists, who said that his wife was the only one who ever truly heard him play. The above painting, for my wife. {And others, you will never see.} I love his statement about art. That it should be accessible and available to everyone. It is beautiful to me. Beautiful. I could spend hours on his site.

some things i want. {the short version}

The short version:

So we stray…Understandably, as the bible is certainly a topic with great allure. I guess we are moths no? Ultimately, I don’t care what god or gods one worships and or believes in. I admittedly don’t know the bible well enough to debate its intricacies with you {Andy}, and I don’t really care to. What concerns me, {as stated before} is that some people feel they can base lawmaking on what their god or gods said, which is absolutely unacceptable. May I remind you all, that the problem here is the oppression of certain people, using the {invalid} argument that "god said so." The discussion here is fascinating to me, and valid, but our dilemma remains.

The problem is not that some of you believe in one god, and others {myself included} believe in the possibility of many, the problem is, that some of you feel that it is acceptable to oppress other people because of your one god. {or gods in some cases I presume} What “he” said to be more exact. That is wrong on every count. Period.

I don’t really know what to say at the moment. I find myself feeling rather emotionally distraught by this all, and it seems more and more futile with each gathering of words posted. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to bridge this gap. I am absolutely unwilling to bend on this issue at all. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I feel that the oppression of human beings is deeply, deeply, wrong. This view of mine will not change.

While you folks have begun to discuss religion quite thoroughly, you’ve not acknowledged the international declaration of human rights. You’ve not acknowledged the statement that “god said so” is invalid when making laws. You’ve not acknowledged the argument that I could propose different {inhumane} laws, based on what some other book says.

In some way, your argument bears little difference from the Ku Klux Klan. While in this case, educated, well read, intellectual, and well articulated, the basis for the oppression remains the same. It is not rooted in any foundation of logic, but instead the interpretation of the bible. {I know that this point will likely bring up much opposition.} While I’m not suggesting that the opinions here have been as drastic as a group such as the KKK, there still remains no reasonable argument for the oppression. Frankly, you’ve not acknowledged that you want to oppress people. Your argument that gay marriage, steals some validity from straight marriage, is horseshit. {Apologies for the lack of intellectual language.} I am married, and the fact that gay marriage exists {in some places} by no means, diminishes my commitment to and love for my wife. What about love? What about the fact that two men can be madly in love with each other? Feel lust and express it. Two women. I think we should all put down Kierkegaard, and Freud, Steinbeck, and Dostoevsky and read some Garcia Marquez. I could be wrong, but somehow, I think he would agree with me on this one. {not that i only read people that agree with me} Yes, that’s what I’d really like. Garcia Marquez to show up here and ruffle some feathers. Or Tom Robbins. Where are you Tom? Have you some thoughts for us all?

Love. Love love love. It is universal and can be shared by any two people. It cares not for sex or age or color or language. Indeed, we are limited by language. Our perception {as stated by Levi-Strauss} is impacted by what we can articulate. But not love.

I’m really quite saddened by it all, as I want to see culture to continue to move forward. I want to see more love and more art. I want to see the homeless fed and taken care of. I want to see ALL PEOPLE treated equally. I want to see children given true love from their parents. I want to see more respect for the elderly. I want to see more wells in Africa. I want to see better health care for the poor. I want to see hydrogen fuel cell cars on the road. I want to see less fast food, and more people walking. I want to see people hugging more often. Smiling. More organic fruit and vegetables. More community. More people who know all of their neighbors' names. More houses painted with bright colors. More poetry. I want to see Hafiz’s “The Gift” on the new York times bestsellers list. More postcards and less email. Less computing. I'd like to have all of you over for dinner, to have this conversation around a table. I would like to see you all laugh and grow impassioned. Agree and Disagree. There is something so human, and deeply important about sharing food together.

I'd like to see more laughter. More bicycles. More music. Lighter hearts. I want to see my dad take that trip to the Amazon he’s always dreamed of. {I’m ready when you are dad.} I want to see my mom take a dance class again. I want to see her happy more of the time. I want to see Kristina forester become a rockstar and fall in love. I want to walk into a bookstore and see Benjamin Jahn’s novel on the shelf. I want to tour France with Christian Kiefer and Ron Guensche. I want Greg Roussas to fall in love with music again. I want Andy to have the best marriage in the world. Alive and electric. I want Jodi to watch her children grow into happy, fulfilled adults. I want Heather Jeavons to fall in love and publish a book. I want Jake Vander Zanden to be free of cancer for the rest of his life. I want Andrea and Matt to have a baby. I want to go to Mike Schwartz’s wedding. I want Reid MacLean to get a song on a big radio station. I want a recording contract. I want to watch Jacob Golden sing. I want to play another show with Jimmy Gnecco. I want to drink a bottle of wine with Tom Robbins. I want to cook dinner with Billy Corgan, and I want him to play guitar on my new record. I want to talk about literature with Thom Yorke. I want to go for a walk with Dana Catanzaro-Masters again someday. I want to meet her son. I want to live in Spain for a while. I want to stay up all night in Morocco with Keri. Portugal. Costa Rica. Tibet. I want to change the world with my wife, my beautiful, brilliant wife.

I want to see a woman become president. I want to see more people of color in office. I want to see more affordable housing and better education. I want people on busses talk to each other. Subways. I want more public transportation. I want less consumerism. Less driving. More green building. More subscriptions to adbusters. Less billboards. More Edward Abbey. More backpacking. More nature. More people hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. More peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. More thich nhat hanh. Less war. Less poverty. Less jail. Alas, where does one stop?

So many things. And I had intended for this to be a short post. Such is life sometimes, so different than we expect. It rains, or rather mists lightly here today in Canada. The bright red tub dries in the garage. The songs for the new record begin to take form. The fingers, sore. I’m so excited to be in California next week. Our first home never dies. Never.

veering from the map. {or, the map VIII}

First of all, I thank those of you writing, for your sincerity and honesty. A difficult thing, when we know our opinions may be met with harsh criticism. I also greatly appreciate the serenity and maturity of this discussion. It hasn’t always been so in the past on this blog, and with such a potentially volatile subject, the way that this has been carried out is admirable. I have always wanted this blog to be a place of open and intellectual discussion. As I said in my last post, dialogue is absolutely imperative, if we wish to come to any sort of stillness amongst the chaos, of such vastly differing opinions…any sort of agreement or at the very least, compromise. Romantic as it may sound, I found myself intrigued by the idea that this forum could function as some sort of post-modern round table discussion or salon, which in many ways it has.

While there is much {overwhelmingly so} to comment on, I believe that in some way, it has all narrowed down to one point. Religion. {which admittedly, is perhaps the largest topic upon which one could debate.} Nevermind the map, and the assessment of george. In a way, I guess those things all become somewhat irrelevant {in this discussion, not the world at large}, as it seems clear to me that this is a matter of how religion impacts society and how society impacts religion. It is then a short jump over to how all of this trickles {or perhaps floods} into politics.

If I break this down into a few points, they are these:

1. the question of god. Is he/she {I noticed many of you just wrote “he”} a singular god? Are there multiple god’s? Did one god write the same book in a bunch of different languages? Furthermore, how can some of you believe in “one god” when only 33% of the earth’s population follows christianity? Are we to assume that the other 77% are wrong and need to be “saved?” What about the people who are never exposed to Christianity, do they go straight “to hell”? Can we not see the absurdity and ethnocentricity of that ideology? Does this not beg the question of absolute truth? How can we have “absolute truth” when there exist so many different cultural perspectives?

Personally, I feel that it is one of the more self-righteous and egocentric things imaginable, to believe that there is only one god. It completely disregards the faith, not to mention a great deal of the cultures, of “other people.” It assumes that only those fortunate enough to be born in a place where they have full access to christianty, are going to “heaven.” I simply cannot base my view of the world on “priveledge.” And what of the people who do not believe in “god” at all?

2. what role does {or should} “morality” play in all of this. Ie: political decision making. The problem to me lies in the fact that what the right wing conservatives {eg: andy, ben and jodi} would define as moral, the left {eg: mike, Jennifer, Christian, alex, and myself} would define as immoral and a complete violation of human rights. The problem is, that while we {“we” being the left} are willing to discuss our opinions, the right shuts the door in a great statement of finality, by bringing the discussion back to what “god said.” It makes me think of the five year old, who having no logical reason for why he won’t eat the broccoli, simply says, ‘I don’t want to.” The problem being, that the right offers no logical argument for the oppression of gays and lesbians, they simply say that “god said it is wrong,” which from all perspectives is not a valid argument.

I could just as easily say, that I follow a book by “author x” in which he says that heterosexuality is a sin. I could therefore begin to lobby for laws that say heterosexuals cannot marry, or have the same rights as homosexuals. When asked how I can do something so inhumane, I simply reply that “author x” says so. It is a gaping hole, in a thin fabric.

The other problem in allowing religion to merge with politics, is the possibility that each leader {potentially a new one every four years} could follow a completely different religion, thusly causing a drastic changing of laws based on his/her interpretations of a book. Not only does this equate to bad politics, but it makes for a rather unstable government.

While some foundation of morals is absolutely imperative to good governance {as Christian said we would have no laws without some form of “morality”} we must question how we define morality. Last night, keri, mike, and I had a discussion about this in front of the fire. We concluded that for most things defined as immoral {perhaps all} for which laws exist, there are consequences for the “victims” of the “crime.” Murder. Rape. Theft. Etc. {consequences for the “victims” should be self-explanatory here.} The problem with the rights’ argument about homosexuality {and abortion for that matter} is that it does not impact any “victim.” There is no “victim” for that matter. The only reason given is that it is “immoral” and therefore begins to erode the “morality” of society by default, which is {as stated many times} an invalid argument. Simply put, having a gay relationship, or getting an abortion does not impact anyone other than the people involved. Period.

Amazingly, this debate is to me a microcosm of what is happening in the United States right now. The left is lobbying and fighting for human rights, while the right is fighting to take them away because of what “god said.” Quite frankly, I am at a complete standstill. Silenced. This is precisely why I felt so hopeless after the election. Because without dialogue there is no hope for change, and as long as the right can say “god said it” there is no dialogue.

So now the question becomes, “what do those of us do that don’t follow the bible?” Do we concede and allow the right to do what we feel is “immoral,” and unjust {I would argue that I feel your oppression of gays and lesbians, is just as immoral to me, as the act of “being gay” SEEMS to you.} Personally, I feel as though i simply cannot allow this oppression to continue. {which is, I imagine, is exactly what the right would say about the opposite.}

I just don’t know. To be entirely honest with you all, I don’t feel to well. Slight flu. My mind feels slow and cluttered. I have no idea how to articulate how unfair the opinion of the right feels to me. Not only their oppression of gays and lesbians, but their reasoning for that oppression. I shake my head in dismay. I wonder how we can get around this obstacle. How can we come to a place where human rights are respected and your worshiping of your god {not the only god} is also allowed to exist.

Ultimately, I agree with mike on this one, going back to the dire importance of retaining the separation of church and state. What I don’t understand, is why Christians {or any other religious group} feel the need to impose their values on other people. While my belief that Christians should be allowed to worship as they see fit, does not affect any of them personally {other than the fact that they can’t have their way with lawmaking} their idea of what is right, directly impacts other people. Ugh.

Though I wouldn’t define myself as “religious” I definitely see myself as a spiritual person. Though I wouldn’t define myself as any one religion, I would say that I am most in line with Buddhist philosophy. {I find these labels of “what we are” to be potentially quite limiting.} So where does this leave me in the grand scheme of things? I’m not sure. To me, the quest of spirituality is lifelong, and completely personal. It has nothing to do with anything about anyone else. It is the unraveling of MY mystery.
But then this discussion began with politics, and as I’ve said, I don’t believe religion should have anything to do with politics.

In closing here, I ask you to consider a few things. First, take a look at the Nuremberg Law. Though many of you may find this suggestion extreme, if we replace the word “jew” with “homosexual” I think that we are potentially headed in a horrific direction with the current politics of the right. While I’m not saying we’re there yet, we may not be as far off as some think. I would also ask that you read the Universal Declaration Of Human Rights. Perhaps this will put some fire beneath the heels of my point. Lastly, may the discussion continue. I strongly believe that this is the area where change can happen. Not just in the white house and the senate, but the blogs of the artists. The schools. The bars. The cafes. The busstops. I simply have to believe that culture can still shift in positive ways at the ground level. Otherwise what do I do?

Perhaps a walk in the woods will clear the head. Renew some hope. The cold air, a rejuvenating force. With the bathtub almost complete, I reward myself with the purchase of a pair of shoes. Now, how do I get you folks to discuss my music, and poetry, and paintings with such rigorous discourse? A lofty task no doubt.

the map V.II

The map speaks to one of many great problems present in the current political climate of the United States. The fact that the president is a fundamentalist christian, and openly speaks about how his religious beliefs shape the decisions he makes, is frightening and moreover, socially incorrect. He should be making decisions based on the wants and needs of the people he represents, not one extreme {and religious} segment of the society. As he lobbies to unite, not separate church and state, the hair on my neck stands up. It completely disregards those of us who don’t “follow the bible,” {especially HIS interpretations of the bible} and is absolutely un-democratic.

Though there are many, the map speaks to two big problems in the current social infrastructure of the United States. First, the fact that the country is so divided, and secondly, the fact that a fundamentalist is in power; one who says that god told him the war was right. Frankly, in my vision of what “god” is, “god” doesn’t believe in war. A war with people that we have already been oppressing through occupation and sanctions for many years. Though I don’t agree with the violence, I completely understand why they {“they” being terrorists not to be confused with iraq whom we’re at war with} felt compelled to attack us in the first place. I would hold that while this is only my interpretation {that of a non-christian} most {if not all} of whom I define as truly spiritual people, would agree with my stance on non-violence and war. I simply do not feel that spirituality and killing can reside under the same philosophy.

The reason the map is relevant to me, is that much of the country who support george w. bush is extremely religious. While I don’t have a problem with religion, I DO have a problem with people whose belief system, impact other people’s lives. Ultimately, I think we are dealing with philosophical issues here, not political ones. I personally feel, that much of what the far right believes to be completely inhumane. Frankly, their stance on gay rights and abortion, disgusts me. If they are not gay, and wish not to be in a gay marriage, that’s fine. Same goes for abortion. They needen’t have one. But, it is deplorable that they feel they should have any say on these matters in other peoples’ lives. Frankly, I can’t believe that people give a shit about what other people do with their own bodies. Who they want to sleep with, etc. It’s pathetic.

Sadly, we have this idea that social progress is a linear thing, but if we look at the Mayans for example, we can easily see that such is not the case. So many of the basic human rights have come into question during this administration: womens’ rights, gay rights, rights for people of color, etc. these are things that should have been dealt with long ago. We make advancements, then we jump back. I ponder just how it has come to pass, that Roe v. Wade has even come into question. But it is this dance humans do. We move forward socially, we move back. Ebb and flow. Sad, but true.

The issues, the “moral” issues, that came up in this election, are essentially questions of humanity, and tolerance. There was this great scene in the motorcycle diaries the other night, where the two main characters were standing in the ruins of machu picchu. The cameras panned slowly as che guevara spoke of how socially advanced the mayans were. It then said that the Spanish came in and destroyed “this” {this being footage of macchu picchu} to build “this” {the 2nd “this” being footage of Lima, Peru, which looked like a giant strip mall.}

Those of you who feel that the United States is still a burgeoning democracy, are far from the mark. The fact that the president {aside from being quite unintelligent and dishonest in my opinion} does not in any way represent the ideals of half of the country, is a great problem. A problem fueled by the media, which has fallen into a sad state of sensationalism, and mis-shaping of the truth, by over-biased and incomplete reporting.

The monopolization of the media, has a much greater impact on democracy, than perhaps even the recent election. A democracy simply cannot exist when the government is fueled by corporate money, and presented to the public by a media that is, for all intents and purposes, owned by the government.

Sadly too, it’s all quite a bit more complicated than this. It brings to question what jobs we have. The idea of technological “progress.” The over-consumption of western culture. Television. Fast food. SUV’s. housing developments. Suburbia. If we are really to analyze all that is taking place in America with regards to politics, we need to question all of these things as well. The lack of art.

Anyway, I could carry on about what a terrible president I feel george bush has been and will likely continue to be, but it all seems irrelevant at the moment. The 400 billion dollar deficit, the thin ice above a severe depression upon which we stand. The lies. The rampant degradation of the environment. The dissolution of human rights. The paranoia generated. The fucking “patriot act.” You’ve heard it all. It certainly doesn’t sound like a democracy to me.

The question to me now is this: how did it happen? With all of the information presented, how did it happen? The flying of bin laden’s family out of the country after 911. The defecit. With The absolute disregard of the UN. The exposure of Michael moore, gore vidal, noam Chomsky, move on, bruce springsteen, and so many others speaking out, how did bush win again? I would like to believe that lying about facts in order to start a war, should be enough for people to say “no, we don’t want you anymore.” Sadly, the people remain half asleep. I think that the reason he won again, is a combination of fear {falsely generated paranoia}, bigotry {under the guise of “morality”}, media manipulation {most people in the Midwest, and south, have much less exposure to leftist materials}, money {corporate involvement}, and the simple tried and true fact that the left only listen to the left. The right to the right. If we want real social change, we need to hold the rallies that were held in Berkeley, and Madison, and San Francisco, in places like Alabama. Louisana. Nebraska. We need to open dialogue and discourse between the two drastically opposed groups. Having a leftist hippy, stand on stage screaming at a bunch of other hippes, does little to affect social change. It is about dialogue between the two. Dialogue. The main problem is, that the far right wish to impose their values on the lives of the far left. This is wrong. Period. It removes any possibility for open and understanding discussion.

The day after the results were announced, the car was dead silent all day. Somber. We were all stunned and afraid. Frustrated. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it yet, but I feel inspired and determined to do something. I will ruminate and let my ideas fester. Grow. I feel as though apathy, is as much a part of the problem as anything else.

For the Christian readers offended by the map, I apologize for the misinterpretation {lack of clarity} but not the map itself. Perhaps the map should read “the united states of Canada” and “the land of right wing extremists.” Or “the land of people who greatly distort jesus’ teachings.” Yeah, that’s it. The whole thing is one giant distortion after all isn’t it?
It was {of course} intended to be a joke. If it were this black and white {or blue and red to be more exact} the problems would probably be worse {read: war} not better. It is indeed true that there are a great number of Christians who voted for kerry, which is wonderful. To me, that map speaks to the ills of the extreme right. It is up to you to decide if you associate with that group. Of course the map also speaks to the idea that the states leaning left {some of them barely so} might be more in line with the political and cultural ideology of Canada. Simple as that.

Perhaps most important, is that dialogues like this exist. As I’ve said before, I openly encourage discussion here as long as there are no insults. Carry on. {no pun intended}

Of course it is still a great deal more complicated than this, and as usual I have many more thoughts, but I have things to do. Time for me to sand the new {really quite old} clawfoot tub and study the pipes. How the hell do we get this thing up the stairs. The mind reels.

Big love from a man who “doesn’t read enough.”

new map.

today, ron sent me this map via email. i laughed, then nodded my head in agreement,
concluding that i find this to be a damn good idea. damn good, don't you think?

raingutters.

In the morning, the snow lingers on the slanted windows,
Making small beams of light on the wood floor.

Smoke from the incense stick, clings to the air,
Like red vinegar in oil. Twisting and turning.

Last night, I walked as the snow fell.
I watched it tumbling beneath the pale green streetlamp.

I opened my mouth wide, and did the dance.
The one where you move around frantically, trying to catch the flakes on your tongue.

I walked slowly up the hill, and looked out on the town.
The old brick buildings, beginning to collect the white.

I walked around the block, and stood beneath an overhang as the cars went by.
I stuck my leg out, pretending to be a statue.

I guess this is my home now, this place where the snow falls.
Funny how long it takes a place to feel like home.

I suppose it’s about shedding my blood here.
Chopping the wood, and cleaning the raingutters.

But what do raingutters do when it snows?
Do they serve any purpose or just sit there waiting?

In a way, we’re all waiting.
Waiting for this moment to end, and the next to arrive.

One long succession of moments, blending into the next.
In a way, we’re all just raingutters in a snowstorm.

how this could possibly have happened

we arrive home in the dark to colder skies, and an onslaught of rain. the night we left Madison, we drove through chicago and out into the plains of Indiana. we drove and drove, pushing on into the wee hours of the morning, switching through the stations as the reception changed, not wishing to miss an instant of what seemed like such a profound time in history. i suppose many peoples' time here feels historically profound. we finally slept and woke to the dismal, terrifying?, news that george w. bush had won. we didn't really escape the gravity of what had happened all day, and drove much of it in silence, stunned by the passing of events. it was absolutely sobering. i would write more at the moment, but i'm still feeling quiet. a sense of despair overtakes me. i am dumbfounded {staggering about} wondering how this could possibly have happened. what now, i say, what now?

a rareity on this trip.

keri and mike at the continental divide, shoes dusted with snow. a field in eastern Colorado, horses bending to the ground. a harvest moon, thick and damp, rising over the Denver lights as we come down from the hills. mike, walking the dry grass in the morning, after camping on the roadside. a sleepless night, for fear that the big trucks, would run us over. the road a mere ten feet from our tents. temperatures below freezing. a nalgene filled with boiling water, thrown at the bottom of the bag is our sanctuary. sunlight. a rareity on this trip. another filed, this one nebraska, green from rain. a train, carrying things from there to here, here to there. this time, we pass the train. a blue sky, irradescent really, rising up above the sprinklers. the endlessness of nebraska. Jim Harrison on the mind. halloween. at a reststop on the roadside, washing your face in the mensroom. other shake themselves dry and flush. wash their hands to your left. move awkwardly around you, as you wash your hair, and clean your face. the makeup a nuisance.

and now, Omaha. that damn Counting crows song running the mind. tea and pastries, after sleep in a field just outside of downtown. the rain falls hard on the brick streets. tonight, Madison or Chicago. somewhere east of here. beyond the rain perhaps.

i can only imagine, that most people reading this are planning to vote tomorrow, but i remind you all. i simply cannot imagine another four years of this political nightmare. i send wishes to the skies for Kerry.